SICK LOVE: HOW TO RECOGNIZE AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP AND OVERCOME IT

Anyone who has been in love at least once in their life knows how normal it is to believe, at the beginning of the relationship, that everything is perfect. The phase of infatuation and first falling in love corresponds to that idyllic moment in which everything could not be better. Over time, however, the relationship strengthens and stabilizes, also giving rise to various misunderstandings and episodes that cause suffering. When such events occur without mutual respect and with constancy, then one could be in the presence of sick love.

However, one cannot speak of a single sick love. There are various kinds of so-called toxic couple relationships, each with its own particularities and signals that make it possible to recognize them.

When can we talk about true love?

"Love is the poetry of the senses. Either it is sublime or it doesn't exist. When it exists, it exists forever and grows day by day. "
Honore de Balzac

Love is probably the most complex human feeling ever. First of all, it can be declined in various forms: from that of a couple, which includes both a physical and emotional component, to a parental one, disconnected from any bond, so much so that it can be considered unconditional. In general, true love is recognized by its wanting nothing in return: a person who truly loves does so spontaneously, without a second purpose.

Furthermore, true love can only be spoken of when it involves mutual respect for both partners, as well as their happiness, well-being and a sense of freedom to truly be themselves. In the event that these fundamental principles are not respected, then you will no longer be in the presence of a healthy relationship, but of a toxic and sick one.

Sick loves: how can a toxic couple relationship be recognized?

As already mentioned, there are different types of toxic love. In every relationship that hides prevaricating, manipulative and even violent attitudes under the term "love" there is a tendency to hinder the freedom of the partner and to want to distance him from other people, including family and friends, so as to interfere, consciously or not, in any way to his happiness.

Among the most talked about toxic relationships, these three stand out. It is about the relationship of a couple with a narcissist, a love with emotional dependence and an obsessive and possessive one.

Love a narcissist

Unfortunately, there are many cases of sick love due to a narcissist. Having a Narcissus partner means living an unstable relationship, made up of continuous ups and downs on an emotional level and beyond. Narcissists are incredible seducers, able to fascinate even those who normally behave in a detached way with a few simple moves. Their favorite "prey" are empathic people because with them it is easier to show off the manipulative skills in their possession.

In a relationship with a narcissist there are sporadic but grandiose displays of affection which are followed, however, by long periods of detachment and silence. Faced with this situation, it is normal that your mood will suffer and the manipulative partner will use all this to his advantage, demonstrating his psychological superiority over you. Finally, when you try to walk away, he'll be back in charge with an "unexpected dose of kindness and charm. This is how a pseudo-Narcissus manages to enchant his "victims" even for years.

Love with emotional dependence

Especially in the first months of a relationship, it is more than normal to feel some kind of addiction towards the partner. Wanting to stay next to him as long as possible, miss him even after a few hours that you don't see him and constantly want to spend days with him is a situation that presents itself to almost all "young" couples.

Instead, we speak of emotional dependence when the relationship you are carrying on is seen as the only reason that underlies your life. There are some symptoms that can allow you to recognize if your relationship is of this type:

You can't make decisions on your own;
Your self-esteem depends on the judgment of the other;
Put your emotions and feelings in the background, giving priority only to those of your partner;
Feel like you can never leave it, even if it hurts and makes you suffer;
You don't spend more time on yourself.

Obsessive and possessive love

Who has never felt a little jealousy towards their partner? No matter how stigmatized by anyone, if it stays contained, jealousy is not necessarily bad. However, the situation changes when it is transformed into obsession and oppression. Always. more often there are cases in which a man limits the freedom of his partner, denying her the possibility to go out and hang out with her friends. In addition, a possessive partner controls in a capillary way all aspects of the life of that person he says he loves. , even going as far as stalking and psychological, if not physical, violence.

As we have already mentioned, true love also consists in the freedom to be yourself, without hesitation or second thoughts. Furthermore, it should never have the purpose of creating a morbid and toxic addiction. All these signals are an indication of a love. sick called obsessive and oppressive It is often necessary to ask for help to get out of a relationship like this.

How to overcome a sick love

As we have seen, the common denominator of a sick relationship consists in the abuse of power, manipulation and excessive control of others. In general, a toxic relationship does not lead to happiness, it destroys self-esteem and self-respect. Getting out of it is not easy because, despite the dysfunctionality of the love story, the feelings involved are many. To put an end to a sick love you need to follow these 5 steps:

Recognize that you are in a toxic relationship: you cannot close a wrong story if you are not fully aware of its being unhealthy first.Admitting that your relationship does not have "simple" problems, but is pathological is essential to find the strength to get out of it.
Spend some time alone: once you've said "enough" to your toxic lover, it's very important not to jump headlong into "another story." Spending some time in solitude serves to learn not to live by reflected light, but to self-determine.
Ask for help: Accepting the fact that you need help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength. When you have lived a relationship with a man who is abusive and manipulative, who has destroyed his self-esteem, you need someone's support to be able to regain self-confidence.
Learning (again) to love each other: to succeed it is important to start again to do everything that makes us feel good and that was set aside by the will of others.
Being with the people you love most: re-establishing contact with friends and family who had neglected each other during that "sick love" helps to come to terms with the relationship that one has lived and to be ready to start this new phase of one's life.