How not to be jealous: 5 ways to keep jealousy at bay
What are the ingredients for a peaceful and harmonious relationship? Certainly, loyalty, trust, generosity and availability towards those around you cannot be lacking. However, it can happen to anyone who sometimes doubts the loyalty of the partner, especially if you are carrying on a love affair at a distance or if you notice a "dangerous" situation, with someone hanging around a little too much .. .Also, did you know that, of all the zodiac signs, some are considered more traitors than others?
Here we will see what exactly jealousy is and how not to be too jealous of your partner.
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When jealousy is healthy and when it is obsessive
Jealousy is a human feeling. It is essentially a fear caused by the idea of losing a loved one, be it your partner, a friend or even a family member. It is mainly due to the fear of being abandoned, betrayed or left for someone else and the consequent separation Jealousy is often confused with envy, but it is good to specify that these are two different feelings. In fact, we feel envy when we want something - whether it is material or not - that belongs to another person, while jealousy concerns precisely the fear of losing someone dear to us.
Today we will mainly deal with jealousy in a love relationship and we want to immediately specify how this feeling is not always to be condemned. Thus, we can recognize a healthy jealousy, which is even an ally of the couple. Being a little jealous of your partner is more that normal and, at acceptable levels, is also pleasant: it makes the partner feel loved, desired and also "protected" by others. Plus, it can add some liveliness and dynamism to the relationship.
"If jealousy is a sign of love, it is like a sick person's fever, for which having it is a sign of life, but of a sick and ill-disposed life."
Miguel de Cervantes
When, on the other hand, it becomes out of control, this fear risks becoming the very cause of the decline and rupture of a love story. In these cases, jealousy is defined as "obsessive" or "pathological" and consists in doubting any action taken. from the partner or to always question his every gesture, looking for clues of betrayal everywhere. In short, a pathological jealous person imagines and invents evidence against the man or woman next to him, deeply wearing down the relationship, sometimes irreparably .
Everyone knows himself and the partner or partner with whom he enters into a relationship: if in the last period you feel that jealousy is getting out of hand and that with your behavior you are risking to ruin your love story, follow these tips , a real "tutorial" on how not to be overly jealous.
1. Work on your self-esteem
First of all, at the basis of jealousy there is often a more or less serious lack of self-confidence, security and a completely irrational fear that one's partner may choose another person because in some way better. Try doing some work on yourself and thinking about whether, when you feel jealous, you perceive a sense of inferiority compared to a "hypothetical" rival in love. "All this despite the fact that your boyfriend has never given you the opportunity to doubt his fidelity.
In that case, remember this: your partner has chosen to be with you and has done for the person you are, with your perfect imperfections and with all the nuances of your character. Do not doubt or belittle your body, your interest and who you are, but work to improve your self-esteem. There are several ways to do this: for example, you can start by stopping comparing with others, eliminating toxic relationships, driving away negative people and recognizing your qualities or the results you have achieved only with your own strength.
2. Reflect on the wounds of the past
Very often, extremely jealous individuals are also jealous due to severe pain in the past. It may happen that a betrayal that made us suffer so many years ago has left a deeper wound than one might think. Being betrayed means being hit in full confidence, a feeling that is difficult to reconstruct. It is therefore normal to show more jealous and protective behavior than usual. However, when a "past relationship experience continues to affect and interfere with the present so much it means that." it has not been completely elaborated and outdated.
If this is your case, address the topic with who you trust the most, whether or not your current partner is. You can talk to a friend, family member, or anyone you think can understand you. In addition to this, you will have to do a reflection on your own to understand how it is better to quit once and for all with that trauma and start taking your life back in hand without any more conditioning.
3. Carve out spaces for yourself (and let your partner do the same)
The time two partners spend together varies depending on the couple. This does not mean that we should never live in symbiosis with one another. It is good that both you and your boyfriend have your own personal spaces, in order to carry out activities independently or hang out with friends and colleagues alone. If you have never experienced this situation at the moment, you can try to choose a hobby or a sport that you have always liked but that you have not yet had the opportunity to do. From yoga to a painting course, from studying a musical instrument to dance lessons: the options are certainly not lacking. Plus, don't forget to meet up with your friends: never take them for granted.
Spending time alone will allow both of you to discuss each other's activities and discover perhaps still unpublished sides of each one's personality. Above all, however, carving out your spaces is the best strategy to respect each other and not be obsessive or jealous towards each other.
4. Improve couple communication
Very often we forget that a good level of communication is the basis of a peaceful and harmonious relationship. With your partner you can and should address all kinds of topics, from the most "banal" and carefree to the most serious and profound ones. If you have recently realized that you are more jealous than usual, perhaps because you are bothered by a certain situation in which your boyfriend is involved, the solution is simpler than expected: talk to him about it and confront him, discussing your perplexities or your fears.
Obviously, for good communication you need to pay attention to the tone of the conversation. Do you have doubts about his behavior? Don't accuse him or put him on the spot without good reason - learn to express what you feel very honestly. For sure, he will appreciate this attitude and will open up to you with less reluctance, exposing his point of view. You would do the same for a slightly jealous man: respect and education are essential for a healthy and balanced story.
5. Learn to trust
Finally, here is the last step on how not to be jealous. It may seem the most obvious, but, in reality, it is essential to limit your jealousy and live the relationship peacefully. Whether you have negative experiences in the relationship or not. in the past, trusting someone is not easy. It means lowering your personal defenses, leaving some control over a certain situation to another person and also exposing your inner self. You don't learn to trust in the next instant or in the space of a day. On the other hand, some aspects and attitudes of our character can be improved.
For example, as a rule number one follow this: never peek at your boyfriend's social media or phone just to be "sure" he's not doing something behind your back. Such a gesture is not only a lack of trust, but also of respect for his privacy. Also, if you are late in answering a message or a call, do not immediately think about the worst: anyone has commitments during the day and cannot live on a cell phone. Learn to believe in your partner's loyalty and love for you, you will see that your relationship will suffer in a positive way.
Finally, if there is something troubling you, don't forget to talk to him about it before starting to make assumptions or investigate: only by implementing these tips, your will remain a healthy - and indispensable - jealousy, ideal for giving that touch of vivacity. to your relationship without any complications.
