Friendzone: when affection for a friend turns into love
From "When Harry Met Sally" to the "Friend's Rule" of 883, the age-old question of friendship between men and women has once again been the absolute protagonist in mass culture products. It is not uncommon, in fact, to witness a romantic evolution of the friendship relationship, an evolution which, however, can be nipped in the bud by that unhappy phrase that we all uttered or, in the worst case, we heard at least once in our life: “I see you more as a friend”. And it is from this sentence and, more specifically, from an episode of the TV series Friends, aired in 1994, that the Anglo-Saxon expression "Friendzone" was coined, or the "friend's area", a place in half between love and friendship, a color that, between white and black, fades into anthracite gray. It is in this area that we are relegated when our feelings are not reciprocated by the friend to whom we have declared them. And, since the hearts broken by this situation are, unfortunately, growing, so much so that they have created a social page called "boomfriendzoned" which collects their testimonies, we have written for you an article as detailed as possible on everything there is. 'is to know about the Friendzone phenomenon: its meaning, the causes, but above all, how to get out of it.
But before proceeding, watch this video and discover the 5 signs that make you understand if you are really in love with someone!
Friendzone: meaning
See also
The word Friendzone is a loan from the English language, which can be translated into Italian with the expression "friend zone" or "friendship zone". This Anglo-Saxon term refers to that situation of ambiguity that can occur in a friendly relationship when one of the two friends begins to have deeper feelings for the other, without being reciprocated and, therefore, relegated to the "zone" friendship ". Friendzone concerns men and women alike and is independent of any form of sexual orientation. Over time, it has taken on a negative connotation, being considered in fact as a real love disappointment with destabilizing consequences for the trust and self-esteem of the person who suffers it. To end up in the "friend's zone" it is not necessary for a person to declare his love or his attraction to the person concerned, receiving from the latter a clear and decisive refusal: it may in fact be a voluntary and preventive choice, made by the person concerned. 'individual who fears humiliation or the inevitable end of friendship and, therefore, often prefers to hide their real feelings, maintaining the status quo of the relationship.
Does friendship exist between men and women?
Friendship between man and woman has always been a rather complex concept and this is due to the very complexity of human beings. Around the idea of a friendly relationship between people of the opposite sex, or of the same sex in the case of homosexuality, an infinity of stereotypes have hovered since the dawn of time for which it is not admissible that between the two people involved there is a complete absence of sexual attraction. In reality, these are real biases, or unconscious tendencies, instilled within us by society for which, often or always, we are led to evaluate the other person as a potential partner and more rarely as a simple friend. For obvious reasons, therefore, this attitude hinders the natural and serene continuation of a disinterested friendship. The causes of this attitude are also to be attributed to that habit for which, during childhood, we often close ourselves tightly within groups of friends in which it is possible to associate only and exclusively with people of the same sex. , still very common among children, inhibits what will be their future ability to relate to people of the other sex, since they are now used to pigeonholing their relationships within too defined watertight compartments.
In recent years, the notion of Friendzone has obtained an ever greater echo in mass culture and this has meant that even science has dealt with it, trying to understand if there can actually be a "sincere friendship between man and woman. The studies conducted in Scientific circles to date have revealed that, often, people of the opposite sex struggle to establish a pure friendship with no romantic / sexual implications as men tend to overestimate the interest shown to them by women, while the latter underestimate it. In general, a friendly relationship is possible only when there is complete absence of sexual attraction between the two parties, but this, however, is a condition that can evolve and change over time, upsetting the dynamics established up to that moment within the relationship of friendship. However, this eventuality must not preclude us from considering an individual of the other sex as a friend only on a whim.
Is it possible to leave the friendzone?
Although many deny it, leaving Friendzone is possible. Of course, you need to arm yourself with patience and a good dose of acceptance, but this is not an impossible undertaking. Before giving all our (and not only) advice to get out of this situation unscathed, it is good to make a premise: if an individual is relegated to the friend's area with a certain frequency, or, as they say, he is friendzoned by most of the people with whom he tries an approach, it should be emphasized that feeling sorry for himself is not among the possible solutions to the situation. In fact, it is necessary that the person in question begins a path of self-awareness, asking himself about the causes that lie behind this propensity to the friend zone, to finally reach the awareness that, often, if a relationship has not worked it is because it was not destined to work. and not because there was something wrong with him / her or the other.
Therefore, the first piece of advice we feel we can offer is the following: after a declaration that went wrong, it is useless to insist, but to accept the refusal in an elegant and dignified way. At this point, two possible alternatives are revealed to the "friendzoned" person: putting aside the feelings of love, continuing to remain friends to preserve the relationship, waiting and hoping, sometimes vain and sometimes founded, which over time the other person may also develop an amorous-sexual attraction, or, if the suffering was unbearable, say goodbye and close, even temporarily, the friendship, to better process the rejection.
Other useful tips with which to better deal with Friendzone and, in the best of cases, come out winners and not losers, come from Jeremy Nicholson, an American researcher of social psychology. In particular, the scholar has created a short survival guide to the friend zone for the journal Psychology Today, indicating the following measures as possible solutions:
- Show yourself less interested: in this way, the friend you are attracted to will not take you for granted and you, by reducing your "sentimental" exposure, will be less vulnerable.
- Show yourself less: because, as they say, "you understand the value of things (people) only when you lose them".
- Creating competition, that is, trying to make the other person jealous so that, eventually, they can question their own feelings and understand that they feel something that goes beyond simple friendship
- Ben Franklin effect: within the limits of education, Nicholson advises the "friendzoned" to abound in requests for favors from the person he has feelings for. By doing so, the latter will realize the importance of a person to whom he is willing to grant his help, while the former will free himself from the position of subordination that Friendzone has attributed to him.
- Gratification: being kind is always a winning weapon. Alternatively, bet everything on indifference.
In conclusion, when it comes to feelings, it is difficult to follow rules and advice because, you know, "the heart is not commanded". However, whatever relationship it is, there is only one strategy that works and pays off, clarity. Being clear from the start about what you feel for another person is the winning solution to avoid any but very frequent misunderstandings and consequent sorrows. Therefore, always be faithful to yourself, do not repress your feelings and do not stop believing in the beauty of love, even and despite disappointments.
