The 10 golden rules to ensure you are raising happy children

What you can do as a parent to raise happy children is much simpler than you might imagine. Being a mother or father is a real job that requires a considerable daily commitment. We have decided to create a guide with some rules to follow in order to be able to deal with all situations, but first we also want to advise you on watching the video on the theme "parents and feelings of guilt".

1 - Your child is not an adult

Let's immediately dispel a myth already with the first rule for raising happy children: let's not consider them as adults because they are not. It is useless to persist in saying, to let a whim pass, phrases like "don't cry, you're big now" or "behave like a big child", because addressed to children of 3 or 4 years would have no beneficial effect, indeed! In this way we would feed in them a great void that over the years they will try to fill with food, smoke and so on.

Children must remain children and live their childhood to the fullest: be pampered, loved, play, feel supported and stimulated by adults. Many, too many adults today are not autonomous and continually manifest the need to feel recognized from the outside. But to avoid all this, what can you do as a parent?

Don't forcefully impose rules
Remember that your child learns mainly by good example so by imposing a rule he would be projected too quickly into the adult world from which he is still far away. Rather than imposing, therefore, to encourage him to do certain things, be the first to do them and you will see that he will follow you.

Make it the protagonist
To make him learn rules and good habits, you can make use of the game. Play is a very powerful tool through which to explain to the child simple concepts that would otherwise be too complex. But above all, don't just explain, you too become a co-star of the game.

See also

Homework: the golden rules to stimulate the little ones!

How to remove the pacifier: the 5 rules to follow!

The best gift for mom? Make them all happy with gifts for life

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2 - Respect your baby's daily rhythms

In order for your child to be a happy child, you must build a routine for him made up of small rituals that will give him security, orienting him even when he does not yet have the notion of time. What to do specifically?

  • Set fixed times for daily appointments: lunch, dinner, nap, play, etc ...
  • Avoid upsetting the seats at the table or letting him eat in different parts of the house: they seem banal, but they help to strengthen the routine.
  • Even the good morning and the good night set up as if they were small rites will be essential to strengthen his daily biological rhythm.
  • In the evening, to promote sleep, it is better to avoid too lively games in favor of soft lights and quiet readings or games that favor calm and the natural transition to sleep.

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3 - Observing and listening is very important

If you can speak candidly to your child, looking him straight in the eye, it will be synonymous with understanding and trust for him. It will allow him to feel loved, welcomed, to feel that he exists and that he exists for the love of mum and dad, the real important engine for continuing on the journey. How to do? Here are some tips:

  • look him in the eye when you turn to him
  • lower yourself to his height whenever possible when you want to communicate something to him
  • ask him often how he feels: he will feel heard and learn to observe his feelings and emotions in turn.

The classic question after returning from school "how did it go?", is useless and will be liquidated with a classic "Well!". Better ask him “How do you feel? How were you at school? ", in this way he will feel put in the first place, understanding that his well-being is important for mum and dad.

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4 - Better to be authoritative than authoritarian

The difference between the two terms is subtle, but it is crucial to understand. Do you like impositions and restrictive obligations? No, and it will be the same for your child too.
If you are too authoritarian, you will make the child grow the need to rebel and transgress, while authority is more perceived as a guide, a support and nourishes the sense of trust.

Rather than pointing fingers, ask your child about the reasons for his behavior, give him a good example, try to explain why things using simple words.

Listening to him he will begin to esteem you: esteem towards the parent is the real tool to be an effective guide.

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5 - Always show yourself in front of children

It may seem strange, but to raise happy children, parents must first be happy. We have already said that children learn by imitation, absorbing everything from the environment without having the possibility of a filter. This explains why it is important to have a good example to follow in order to avoid impositions, repetitions and punishments.
As a mom or dad, try to take some time for yourself by finding an inner balance that is often threatened by everyday life. Very often when we get angry with our children, the real motivation lies behind our frustration and not in what they may have done to them.

6 - Keep your child's self-esteem high

One of the golden rules to write down right away to make sure your child is happy is to accept him as he is. Let him experiment and learn through play, avoiding being too much on him with rational explanations on the why of things.
If the child expresses interest in something dangerous, instead of scolding him, explain that he can do it but he will have to be very careful because it could be dangerous. It will be he himself, once curiosity is satisfied, to understand that it is better not to do it again. His mind will register the information and the next time the desire won't even show up.

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7 - Do not make him lose confidence in himself

Often adults unwittingly undermine the self-esteem of children for example by making comparisons with other peers that are not exactly educational. Here are some useful tips to put into practice:

Avoid comparisons
They demoralize him and make him feel inadequate; your child, on the other hand, needs to feel unique with his strengths and weaknesses. Telling him to look at who we believe has done better than him or is better than him only discourages him and leads nowhere.

Don't judge him
Judgment belittles him, if he did something wrong it was probably because he lacked some information about it, or because he didn't do it on purpose or because he was tired or perhaps distracted.

Don't mess with feelings
Always remind him of your love for him, how much you love him and how important he is to you.

Let him feel your support
It is useless to tell him that he is good when he follows the rules and scold him when he does not follow them, the rules should not exist, or rather you should be the example of the rules. It is wrong for the child to be convinced that in order to have your protection and your love he should only do the things you like: in this way he will move away from his nature.

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8 - Devote quality time to the child

If we have to spend many hours together with our child, it is useless to pass the time between boredom and general frustration, in these moments our child will want to play, have fun, have fun and be listened to. If you know you can't give them quality time, then avoid it.
You could also try to involve him in the practical things you have to do: the important thing is not to give him a way to think that household or work chores are more important than him, it will be trivial, but you must always try to put him first.

9 - Never underestimate his fears

Children as such it is normal for them to manifest fears: these can be more or less well founded, but the thing absolutely to avoid is to ridicule them or make fun of them when they are worried about something.
Phrases like "What do you feel? How can I help you?”Are the ideal to ensure that he confesses to us, overcoming fear in most cases.
Taking up the good example again, you can try to tell him how you yourself have overcome a fear: he will have a lot of trust and esteem in you and will have the tools to face what frightens him.

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10 - Prevent tantrums

The whim arises from a need of the child that has not been accepted. Before you get angry and put yourself on the same level, ask yourself what you missed, what he wants to communicate to you, any mistakes he made in interacting with him. This rule applies to both younger children and adolescent children.
Trying to be neutral is difficult, but it is the only strategy to solve the crisis.

Raise happy children with the P.A.R.E.N.T.

The P.A.R.E.N.T. is a method studied in Denmark for raising happy children. It is very simple and is based on certain activities and behaviors. This is what P.A.R.E.N.T.

  • Play (game),
  • Authenticity,
  • Reframing (renovation),
  • Empathy (empathy),
  • No Ultimatums (no ultimatums),
  • Toghetherness (intimacy).

In short, it is a real guide for the parent to ensure the harmonious development of their child. If you want to deepen the subject, we recommend an interesting book.

The Danish way to raise happy children and be happy parents - on Amazon for € 9.50