Coping with a separation
The causes of the break
Today, one in three couples are separating. Whether they are married couples, cohabiting couples or simple partners, the main causes of separation can be different. Often, it is simply the decline in desire for the other linked to the end of love. In other cases, one of the two partners feels suffocated when he realizes that the partner is not a copy of himself, but another person with different desires and emotions. Very close couples can see their relationship disintegrate when a new event occurs, such as the birth of a child, called a "baby clash". For others, it is the absence of projects that blocks the relationship: the initial spontaneity is replaced by the monotony of routine, which extinguishes the desire to build a family and progress in the couple relationship. And finally, for many couples, it is the lack of communication that causes frustration and often unsolvable conflicts.
How to react to a separation?
• If your partner is leaving you ...
Often it is the person who is abandoned who experiences the situation worse. Since a separation often causes a decline in self-confidence and great fragility.
- Face the crisis: the most urgent thing is to face the separation, physically and mentally. The reflection, keep it aside for a later time. Pain and suffering are natural, there is no point in pretending that everything is fine. If you feel the tears spring up, let them flow! Most importantly, accept the support of your family and friends.
- Stop thinking about it! Whatever happened, stop making excuses for your ex, hate him fiercely, or think back to the good times you had together.Try to think of something else!
- Keep busy: isolating yourself is useless. Agree to go out with friends and participate in all the activities that interest you (sports, art, culture, cinema, restaurants) to learn again how to forge bonds with strangers and widen the circle of your acquaintances. And if you're passionate about your job, do your best! It will be a source of great satisfaction and you will soon have confidence in yourself again.
- How to react in front of your ex? You can review it. But if you feel that this only serves to revive the feelings you had for him, to increase the nostalgia, or you realize that you will not be able to keep your distance, forget it! The risk is that an ambiguous friendship-love relationship will form, which prevents you from building something new with another person. And, if you feel like it, try dating new people, even for short-term relationships. Even if it won't last for a lifetime, it will allow you to regain your power of seduction.
- A therapeutic help, if necessary: if you feel you are sinking into depression, consult a psychologist. In this way, you can be heard by a person who is neutral and used to helping those who are going through a difficult time.
• If you leave him ...
You have made a decision and communicated it to your partner. At first you feel relieved and proud of your courage, but doubts often arise ...
- Don't feel guilty! Determination often gives way to doubts, a natural desire to go back or even a strong sense of guilt. Maybe you feel guilty about ending a story that could have "worked" if you had made some effort and forgotten some "details" ... No! It is a decision matured after thinking for a long time and it comes from the depths of your soul, like a liberation. Comfort yourself by thinking that you have made the right choice. And above all, if you have children, repeat to yourself that it is better to have divided parents who keep fighting at home.
- In love, take it slow: unless you have already met someone, do not throw yourself headlong into a new story, or, at least, distance yourself and do not get inflamed too quickly. Often, the man who comes after a great love is a "transition" relationship ...
- Know how to question yourself: why didn't you love him anymore? What was the reason for your disagreement? It is essential that you are able to answer these questions. First of all to avoid repeating the same mistakes and then to know what you really expect from life, from a man or from a relationship.
• With your ex…: Again, it all depends on your willpower. It is important that you know what you expect from him. If you have children, you should try to keep on good terms, for the well-being and happiness of your children.
