The mother-daughter relationship
The maternal bond
During pregnancy and in the first few months following birth, the bond between mother and baby is vital for the newborn. This relationship, necessary for the survival of the newborn, must rapidly evolve towards individualization: the mother must learn to consider her child as an independent individual and not as an extension of herself. And this is the hardest part! To become a complete woman and to build one's personality, one must distance oneself from one's mother.
The fusional mother
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You call them at least once a day, otherwise you go into crisis. Even if you no longer live with your parents, your mother still has a significant influence on you and you can't live without seeing each other often (let's say too much!). Confidence, advice ... you have no secrets for her! You have a fusional, passionate relationship.
The biggest risk? That you put this relationship above everything, to the point of cutting yourself off from the world (friends, work ...) and preventing you from fully living your life as a couple: a third person could in fact find this situation unbearable. Your affection goes almost entirely to your mother, you identify with her and she has a tendency to identify with you, you can no longer distinguish your feelings.
The time has come to put the distance between you and your mother. It goes without saying that you have to do it gently because, even if you are 30 years old, breaking the bond that holds you together means making her suffer and therefore make you suffer. However, it is essential to take this step to restore balance between you and to be able to achieve your aspirations without feeling guilty towards your mother.
The rival mother
On the contrary, sometimes the relationships between mother and daughter can be conflicting. You talk little or nothing to your mother, you don't share anything and you rarely see each other. During your adolescence, your relationships were tumultuous and they never really improved.
If this situation is more difficult to manage, the underlying problem remains identification. The rivalry between mother and daughter has its origins in the Oedipus complex: to seduce the father, the child must take an example of her mother and at the same time she must reject her as it represents an obstacle. If the child experiences this phase of growth badly, she may begin to harbor a grudge against her mother on an unconscious level.
Ultimately, those who live this type of relationship are constantly confronted with their mother, in an attempt to build a diametrically opposite personality. Result? You never feel up to par and your relationship with your mother is full of misunderstandings, mutual and complex reproaches. You absolutely must resolve this latent conflict.
Finding a balance
To fully live your life as an active woman, wife and / or mother there are not many solutions, you have to cut the umbilical cord! You have to do it gently because, despite the disagreements, you need your mother as much as she needs you, but it is essential to find a balance between a relationship that is too intrusive and a non-existent bond. You don't have to share all the secrets, but you can support each other.
Help your mom open up to others and hang out, so you can have intimate moments for yourself alone. The ideal would be that you become accomplices but not too much, so you can live your life peacefully and get closer to motherhood without being obsessed with the fear of reproducing the same pattern with your daughter!
If, in the context of a too passionate or too conflicting relationship with your mother, you are unable to matter and find your place, resorting to a psychologist could favor your personal development.
