Tell Crinzi: "my mother's ex is a stalker, he took away our freedom"!

by Alessandra Crinzi

The "Dillo Alla Crinzi" column stems from the need to give a voice to all the girls who have been thinking of contacting me every day, since the beginning on social media, to ask for advice or help. Here I am to tell you the story of this column


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The topics covered are varied - from problems of love, friendship, insecurities, work, family - and weekly I receive dozens of emails from all over Italy. Too much is the loneliness, there are many women who do not like to expose themselves but seek advice, simply a little comfort, and this is what "Tell Crinzi" is for. Today I will tell you the dramatic story of Benedetta.

Benedetta is her mother's former partner, today a scary stalker

Dear Ale,
I am writing to tell you a story that I hope will have a happy ending and also because I realize that my little voice is no longer enough, however loud I may scream. I am writing to you because at times we feel abandoned and alone, at the mercy of laws, rules and decisions that we do not always share.

The protagonist of this story is my sweet mom Monica, a "super mom" who, like many others, raised two children, worked and maintained a house by herself. She made a mistake: she fell in love with the wrong person. A man who is not so much prince charming. For a year his life, and ours as a family, has turned into a nightmare. He wished us the worst diseases, accidents, death, even for the little ones of the house. He followed her everywhere describing exactly how she was dressed. He spent hours in his workplace parking lot just to scare him.

But do you know what our greatest relief and our greatest misfortune is? Who never got his hands on us. Yes, because if it had happened, perhaps someone would have moved earlier, perhaps the ban on approaching would have come in a short time instead of a year later. But I tell you one thing: he would never get his hands dirty, he is a "man" capable of hiring someone to harm us. And we turn around looking over our shoulder and continuing to report.

What kind of life is it? What kind of life can you live looking at the sun from the windows of your home? What life is it to see my mother annihilated day after day and being worn out by guilt? I don't want to talk about femicide someday because it's the green-eyed monster we're trying to fight. I don't mean one day "we did everything possible but it didn't help".

I am convinced that violence in general is an abomination, be it against women or men. Freedom must no longer be conquered, it is a right not to be forgotten.

I hope for your help and advice.
I'm sure something can be done.
Each drop of water forms an ocean.

A big hug,
Benedetta Bianconi

Tell Crinzi: Alessandra Crinzi answers

Dear Benedetta,
I have reread and reread your letter; I have done it several times since I received it, and especially after having also viewed the article that concerns you, the one you attached to the email, published in La Nazione di Arezzo a few weeks ago. Believe me, every day I looked for the right words, because the things I want to tell you are many, and I hope that today they can give you, give you a little comfort and courage.

Your letter hit me like a punch in the stomach. The sadness, anguish and terror that grips your lives are tangible. Freedom is sacred, and you have lost it. No one should ever find themselves afraid of walking on the street, shopping, going to work or to university. No one should ever experience such a situation, much less a daughter who is distressed not only for her own safety, but also for that of a mother whose only "fault" is that of having given love to the wrong person.

Wrong person. And as I write it I reflect on the meaning, realizing immediately how much this term is not appropriate; whoever stalks, psychologically tortures, who insults and defames, as your mother's ex is doing, is actually a sick person who in addition to being turned away, should be treated - and frankly I limited myself, because in my mind, it causes anger leading to mere irrationality, a series of terms resound unfortunately not suitable for this column.

You know, Benedetta, I also know what it means to be afraid of a man and I understand that despite the denunciation and the prohibition of approaching, the fear is always too much, especially because of a law that protects yes, but cannot have eyes everywhere - although in these cases it should. And how it should.

It would be hypocritical to say the opposite: too often we hear about women who report violence and yet fail to receive the right protection. Too often, reading the newspapers and turning on the TV, we learn about love stories - which have nothing of love - characterized by incredibly tragic endings. The terror you carry in your heart is legitimate, but you must not allow it to subdue your lives or your minds, because you would be playing the game of the monster - such it is - who is trying to ruin your existence.

You are a strong woman, it is obvious, and this strength you must continue to hold tightly trying to transmit it to your mother too. You must continue to fight as you are doing, using all the cards in your hands, continuing to rely on the law, but never ceasing to look over your shoulder. What I hope is that there is justice, of the true one, and not only earthly, above all divine. I hope this person stops hurting you and no longer has a chance to hurt anyone else. I hope that you will soon be able to close the window from where you observe life today, because you have every right to walk down the street without any fear, starting to enjoy the sunlight again.

I took the liberty of publishing your signature in full, and this is because it is not you who have to be afraid to expose yourself, but only and only those who have been torturing you for years. May he repent of everything he is making you live. May he look in the mirror with the same repulsion that any person who will be made aware of the evil he is causing you will feel.
Let him be punished as he deserves, and I hope that will happen very soon.

You are no longer alone. This I can guarantee you.
Let's keep up to date.
I embrace you strong.

The Crinzi

If you want to share your story with me, write me at: [email protected]

I'm waiting for you!

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