Forgiving a betrayal: how to succeed and trust again
Suffering a betrayal by the person we love and whom we believe to love each other is certainly one of the most painful and heartbreaking events that can happen to us in life. It is as if the earth was missing from under our feet and we were no longer able to love or trust the other. Although for many it is out of the question, there are cases in which it is possible to grant forgiveness to those who have us. Let's find out together when and how to do it in order to take back your life and be happy again!
But first, check out this gorgeous video about true love!
Why does a person cheat?
Discovering that we have been betrayed is a reprehensible and dramatic experience that we would not wish even for our worst enemy. Yet, no matter how painful it may be, it is one of the most frequent causes of separations and divorces. At this point we wonder what drives people to betray and the answers to this existential question are not few. Usually, it is believed that a person cheats when there is no more love, but the question is not that simple. In fact, there may be several reasons why the partner falls into temptation and breaks the mutual trust agreement on which the couple's relationship is held in. Obviously, none of these reasons justify a betrayal, but, when it happens, it is important to try to understand why the person who says he loves us has betrayed us.
Sometimes, it happens that a person feels neglected by his partner or partner and goes to look elsewhere for those attentions that he misses. Or, betrayal is experienced as an escape from a difficult situation, a traumatic event and, therefore, acts as a diversion. In this regard, the use of the expression "escapade" is not accidental, understood as the act of escaping from emotions and circumstances that we are unable to metabolize. Then he betrays himself to escape from pain and dissatisfaction and go in search of a lost happiness. After all, we all want to be happy, don't we? However, it is only a state of temporary euphoria that will leave room for frustration again. At other times, you are faced with a serial traitor, unable to love and commit to a stable relationship. Only in rare cases does he betray himself because he truly falls in love with another person and then it can happen that a love story arises from adultery, but this is not one of the best conditions to start with.
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How to behave after a betrayal
The moment immediately following the discovery of a betrayal is undoubtedly the worst and most heartbreaking, almost equal to a bereavement. After all, you have been with a person for years and now it is as if you have lost them forever. Once you become aware of the sad reality, all certainties collapse and it seems that nothing makes sense in life anymore. Breathe, everything is normal, in fact, the opposite would be strange. Here is what you can do after discovering that your partner has cheated on you: take the time to process the pain and accept it, reflect on what happened, do not demonize your partner and do not blame the lover, abandon negative thoughts and plans of revenge, do not make rash decisions and, if you deem it necessary, do not hesitate to contact a psychologist who will be able to support you during this path, but, above all, remember that it can't rain forever and sooner or later you'll be happy again.
Is it possible to forgive a betrayal?
One of the questions that most grieves mankind concerns the possibility of forgiving or not a betrayal suffered. As you can imagine, there is no single answer since the final decision can depend on many factors. A fundamental role in this sense is played by the person who betrayed: is the adulterer really sorry? Are you determined to be forgiven? Do you have all the credentials to start over? These questions can help you understand whether to seriously contemplate the option of forgiveness or to give it up a priori. Even if it seems paradoxical, it can happen that, once forgiven, the relationship improves than before. This dramatic event, in fact, can be an opportunity to engage in a constructive discussion with your partner and identify what was wrong with your love story. All this, however, is impossible without the commitment on the part of both to change and improve.
Here are some effective tips to be able to forgive a betrayal.
Do what makes you feel good
When you find yourself at a crossroads and you have to decide whether or not to forgive your partner's adultery, keep in mind only one thing: your happiness. What matters most, in fact, is that you are truly happy. calm down and only consider the option that allows you to be, without external conditioning.
To communicate
Without communication, there is no happy relationship. If you are going through a crisis, talk about it civilly to understand what is wrong and work together to improve the situation. On the contrary, the unspoken and the implications can permanently compromise the well-being of the couple and lead to disastrous consequences such as betrayal.
Understanding the reasons for the betrayal
Once you have discovered the crime, try to understand why the other person has come to the point of betraying you and what his real intentions were. Also, analyze the way you betrayed immediately: was it just a one-night stand or a consolidated extra-marital relationship? Although the seriousness of the fact does not change, it is evident that we are facing two events of different entities and which foresee a different management.
Do not unload all the blame on the other
Although the main person responsible for the betrayal is only the one who betrays, do not place all the blame on the other. After all, when a love ends, it is never just a person's fault. Try starting a path of self-analysis and find out if you too may have had faults within the couple. To start over without running into the same mistakes, you need to become aware of each other's mistakes and work on yourself.
follow your instinct
When you tell friends and family what happened, everyone will stand up as advisors and compete to give you the most useful tip. If you can, ignore them and ignore their judgment. Follow your instincts: life is yours and it must be you, and you alone, who decide whether or not to forgive the betrayal.
Accept the betrayal
Denying or canceling what happened doesn't benefit either you or the couple. If you really want to give your partner a second chance, you need to accept that a betrayal has actually occurred, talk about it openly with your partner and work out once and for all the mix of emotions you feel. Only in this way can you go on, despite everything.
Work on yourself
Don't let cheating affect your self-esteem. Whether you have been betrayed or betrayed does not imply that you deserve such treatment and keep this in mind. Indeed, showing the courage to face such a disappointment makes you a strong person worthy of self-love.
Forget the lover
Even if it seems impossible, try to ignore the existence of this third wheel. Avoid placing all the responsibility on this person and do not let the thought of your lover torment you, but above all, do not give in to the temptation to believe that he is better than you. Therefore, concentrate all your attention only and only within the couple.
Make a decision and be consistent with it
If you decide to forgive your partner's betrayal, you need to stay true to this choice. Of course, it will not be easy, but the forgiveness must be definitive otherwise you risk blaming the fact at every couple discussion and being tormented by constant suspicions about his fidelity.
Couples therapy
Sometimes, it is not possible to face such an event alone and you need to turn to experienced people who know how to help you find the right path for you. Find the couples therapy that's right for you and your partner and stick with it until you're ready to really start over.
Why it is important to forgive
Buddha said "forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace". Take advantage of this teaching and not just when you are dealing with a betrayal. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, but accepting what happened and preventing resentment from affecting our life and our relationships. Thanks to forgiveness, you will be able to go back to living, loving and trusting others, always bearing in mind that if you are not willing to suffer even a little, you are not ready to love. Forgiving means getting rid of the burden of unbearable pain and making sure that the love felt does not turn into hate.
When forgiveness is useless or impossible
However, it must be recognized that sometimes it is not possible to forgive a betrayal. When there is no more love and the relationship seems irrecoverable, when you are dealing with a serial cheater or when the betrayal happened at the beginning of the relationship, do not waste your energy and have the courage to accept that the story is over. once and for all.
Betrayal: how to deal with children
When the tsunami of betrayal strikes a couple, this event can only upset the serenity of the children, if present. As much as possible, both commit to protecting them and avoid fighting heatedly in their presence because this could generate a serious lack of trust in them and compromise their ability to relate. Even if your partner has hurt you deeply, refrain from insulting him in front of them and possibly consider a family therapy path with which to overcome this difficult moment all together. By doing so, you will help your children to process what happened.
Phrases about betrayed trust
- I'm not upset because you betrayed me, but because I can't trust you anymore.
Jim Morrison - It is possible to mend a relationship with those who have betrayed our trust, but it is like mending a broken suit: the mark remains indelible.
Emanuela Breda - It is prudent to never trust those who have deceived us even once.
Descartes - Trust is something important, once lost I will not give it back.
Antonia Gravina - Respect and trust are earned over time and above all they must be earned, but if betrayed they will never return to the way they were before.
Rosy Lunatica - Trust is like a sheet of paper, once crumpled it cannot be perfect again.
Anonymous - Nothing hurts, poisons, sickens as disappointment. Because disappointment is a pain that always comes from a vanished hope, a defeat that always comes from a betrayed trust, that is, from the about-face of someone or something we believed in.
Oriana Fallaci - Blessed is he who expects nothing because he will never be disappointed.
Alexander Pope - Trust is precious and delicate like a gem: it takes commitment to earn it and a lot of care not to scratch it.
Emanuela Breda - It takes years to build trust, seconds to break it and an eternity to repair it.
Anonymous - Trusting someone is like holding water in cupped hands: it is easy to lose it irretrievably.
Ken Follett - You can only trust yourself ... and not always.
Paige Wilson - If someone cheats on you once, it is their mistake; if someone cheats on you twice it's your mistake.
Eleanor Roosevelt - Trust is like an eraser, it gets smaller and smaller after each mistake.
Anonymous - Confidence is like a mirror, you can fix it if it breaks, but you will still see the cracks in that reflection
Anonymous
Phrases to be forgiven
- Excuse me so much, I promise that next time I will give you the keys to my heart. Forgive me my love.
Anonymous - I'm sorry for what happened. I know it is my fault and I will do everything to right my mistake. Because I love you and the last thing I want is to see you suffer because of me.
Anonymous - Let's stop arguing and let only our hearts speak, you'll see that they will understand each other beautifully!
Anonymous - Please forgive me my beloved puppy, I promise you that it will never happen again, that I will no longer hurt the person I love most in the world!
Anonymous - I fully understand that my apologies are not enough for you, words fly but I will convince you with facts!
Anonymous - My big mistake was letting you believe that you are not important to me. It is not so. Losing you would be like losing the most important part of myself.
Anonymous - I swear to you that I never wanted to hurt you, also because I did it to myself my love ... Forgive me!
Anonymous - I'm not looking for excuses to justify what I've done. I was wrong and I realized it too late. The only thing I can tell you is that I will try to regain your love and trust, day after day.
Anonymous - I live in the hope that you will not remain just a beautiful memory ... I want you, forgive me!
Anonymous - What happened was the fruit of my fear of suffering. I did not realize that in doing so, we were suffering in two. Now I just wish I could make you understand how important you are to me. Anonymous
- I don't want to undo what I've done. I will never say it was an innocent mistake. My sins are many and heavy as boulders. I take full responsibility for it. From here I would like to start to regain your love.
Anonymous - Sorry my love if at this moment I can't give you the love I want, I'll be able to make up for it because you are my life.
Anonymous - EXCUSE ME. - I'm clearly a nice asshole.
Anonymous - I don't want our story to end due to a misunderstanding, I beg your pardon, I love you too much to lose you.
Anonymous - I swear to you that I never wanted to hurt you, also because I did it to myself my love ... Forgive me!
Anonymous - When you hurt the person you care about most in the world, there are no words that can remedy the mistake. That's why I'm not going to apologize with words but with deeds. The little daily facts, if you give me the opportunity.
Anonymous - Sorry if I let you go, I regretted my choice, but today, and only today, I understood your importance.
Anonymous
