How to behave when arguing
Restore the dialogue
Quite often, discussions come to a standstill, because the interlocutors want to cut it short by putting their heads in the sand. If this solution has the merit of avoiding screams, at the same time it stifles any form of communication and, therefore, any hope of resolving the situation. Be smarter than your opponent: after a few minutes, a few hours or a few days of silence, try to mend the dialogue. Use this time of reflection to take stock of the situation.
The best way? If you write well, send an email summarizing the problem and the various opinions and then propose solutions. The words written on a sheet, even if virtual, allow you not to be interrupted and to better structure your ideas without getting confused.
Lower the tone
Why do we scream? Apparently we do it to make ourselves heard. Of course, it is the best solution to warn the whole building that there is a fire on the third floor, but during a stormy discussion it is the last thing to do! Not only would we risk losing our voice, but our interlocutor will tend to scream louder than us to cover our words with his voice ... nothing will be understood anymore and the cries will overlap. Not to mention the fact that we would lose credibility and pass for hysterics!
The best way? We act like politicians who, advised by communication experts, manage, in most cases, to keep a cool head. If we lower our voice one tone compared to our interlocutor, first of all we will not get nervous. Our apparent calm will destabilize him and we will be able to better express our idea.
It takes some humor
Have you ever noticed that sometimes the fact of joking a little helps to relieve tension? A small dose of humor always saves us, allowing us to play down. Of course, it will not be enough to solve the problem, but to decrease its intensity and restore a good level of communication. But be careful not to confuse it with irony, which could irritate the interlocutor.
The best way? Choose the right moment to smile, say a joke or change the subject to distract attention for a few seconds: a ridiculous cell phone ringtone, a chair that makes a strange noise, a slip ...
Put yourself in the other's shoes
During a conflict, everyone thinks about their own interests and assert the point of view that seems to be the right one. Unless you are dealing with an egoist, a person unable to question himself, for whom any means is good to reach his own ends. A person who, for example, steps ahead of everyone when queuing to be served first, will not be sensitive to any arguments.
The best way? We must try to put ourselves in the shoes of the other to better understand his point of view and, possibly, change his own. We must try to be fair and we must not avoid saying: "I understand you". This expression is magical because it allows to make the debate more balanced.
Remain polite
It is not easy not to respond to a nervous person who does not really want to listen to us, and who fills us with insults and threats. We would be really not very credible if we started to answer him in kind. We might as well get to the hands!
The best way? We have to stay calm, take deep breaths and tell ourselves that we will scream later when we are alone. Let's let him stop crying out and, once the moment of crisis has passed, let's ask him: “Are you finished? Is it better now? Can we resume speaking in a civilized way ?! ”.
