Why men disappear and then suddenly return (and how to deal with them!)
A man who disappears, leaving no trace of himself, or as in the worst of the episodes of Sex and the City with a post-it (today a WhatsApp message), is one of the most unbearable mysteries that, sooner or later, all of us have experienced. Climb the ranking of the "worst ever seen" those who disappear without comments and, without dignity, return.
Here's what we should do to him, straight into the private parts, just watch the video (of course we're kidding
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1. Why do these men disappear
Whether it's a flirtatious start in which you try not to let him escape, or a solid and solid relationship (in this case the trauma can be really strong and shocking), the fundamental reason is that the interest in the other has ended. In the case of a lasting relationship, there must have been unexpressed and difficult feelings to come out that you have been and are unable to cope with. In the case of flirting, total disinterest in communicating the change of plans.
This unbearable attitude excludes the other from a confrontation, which is the thing that most hurts the abandoned on duty. Those who run away seem to have a power over those who are left, but it is only an apparent power that hides, in reality, an "immaturity, a weakness and a" inability to communicate.
However solid the reasons for the escape are, the fact remains that the fugitive in question must have relational gaps and be unable to take responsibility towards the other.
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2. Why do these men return
These people, who recognize the center of the world in themselves, are either unable to communicate (and it is not our fault!), Or people without an emotional depth, that is: very superficial, distracted and unconsciously disrespectful people. The return often occurs on the part of this last category and this is because they generally reappear where the relationship was under the assumption of lightness, which can make one feel authorized to behave totally disengaged, even with respect to the "abc of" education.
It happens that the relationship between the reason for the disappearance and the return is inversely proportional: the lower the awareness of having made a mistake, disappearing, the higher the probability of a return, because unfortunately one will feel authorized, with the same superficiality, to reappear in the life of the other. Where the bond was more serious and concrete, returning has within itself a responsibility that must be explained and analyzed, and one does not always want to actually do it.
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3. What not to do when they disappear
Definitely avoid looking for him like obsessions! There's no point in wasting nights waiting for her to reply to a message, or forcing all your friends to vivisect her Instagram every hour. Better to limit yourself to a couple of messages asking for explanations and, if he continues in silence, try to manage the frustration without continuing to ask him why (we avoid messages in a state of intoxication).
It is not even the case to insult him, belittling him with friends and similar things. And this is because the more you get angry in front of his indifference, the more he will be indifferent and the more you will get angry but with yourself.
Expose yourself with dignity and then decide that it can't be worth it would be the right way to go.
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4. What would be best to do
Don't be afraid of losing someone who has been unfair to us. Like? Without feeling guilty for the cowardice of this last person, and therefore in the duty to keep it close. We absolutely cannot lose sight of ourselves. Therefore, in the case of a return we must immediately clarify to the other what made us feel and how made us feel. To do this, it is essential to listen to your needs and not sell them off to the first fugitive that happens!
Regardless, it is important to communicate immediately and sincerely, without feeling threatened, what you really want from the relationship. Establishing a healthy dialogue could help not to generate comfortable ambiguities.
Finally: catch the signs. Maybe something was in the air for some time and you ignored it? This does not justify it, but it may help you to move forward.
And then: every negative experience, trivially, makes us stronger and more aware people. And this is the only real consolation. Each experience magnifies our baggage, and this is what really matters.
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As the saying goes "one pope dies, another is made", and luckily, in the world, you have a wide choice:
