Demisexual: what does it mean and what are the signs of demisexuality
More and more often in recent years sexuality is being treated as it should have been done for a long time, that is, not as a static theme, with well-defined boundaries, but as a complex and multifaceted aspect of human life. Not surprisingly, we hear about topics such as that of fluid sexuality, also called "gender fluid", which aims to clear cultural heritage on gender labels. Exploring the kaleidoscopic theme of sexuality, we also come across a still little known definition of" being demisexual.
What is meant by demisexuality?
The term "demisexuality"derives from the" union of "demi ", which in French means "half", and of "sexualityBy this definition we mean a particular sexual inclination according to which one feels attraction only towards individuals with whom one has a very strong emotional and affective connection. In this sense, demisexuality is considered a specific spectrum of asexuality.
To date, it is a subject that is still little dealt with, although there are already various organizations and communities in Italy and in the world that are involved in the discussion and education aimed at spreading these guidelines. Specifically, the Italian section of Aven, Asexual Visibility and Education Network, he defines the "demisexual being:" a person who feels sexual attraction only towards people with whom he has formed a stronger, often romantic, bond. Demisexuals usually experience secondary sexual attraction, but they do not experience primary sexual attraction. "
See also
The difference between demisexual and asexual
We have said that demisexuality is part of the larger whole that falls under asexuality. However, the two concepts are not to be confused. In general, asexuals do not feel an interest or a specific drive towards sex. On the contrary, a demisexual person does and for this reason their sexuality should not be considered incomplete.
The peculiar difference of this orientation consists in feeling sexual attraction when a specific condition occurs, namely that of a strong emotional involvement and bond. We could say that demisexuals never experience that "physical attraction" at first sight ", the one that ultimately turned out to be the basis of the fateful love at first sight. Sex and love cannot be separated and for this reason often demisexuality is associated with "platonic love. A" statement of this kind is only partially true: a demisexual individual will not be afraid to go beyond complicity and mental attraction once the right emotional bond with the hypothetical partner has been established and developed.
Demisexuality is independent of sexual orientation
Speaking about it up to now, we have often used the term "demisexual" juxtaposed to that of "orientation". In reality, just as in the case of assesity, here too it is necessary to make a clarification. In fact, anyone can be demisexual regardless of his orientation in the strict sense. Demisexuality characterizes a certain individual independent of his being homosexual, heterosexual or other numerous possibilities that exist in the field of sexuality.
Communities such as that of Aven show, however, how demisexuals live their orientation not always easily. Many, before discovering their demisexuality, have spent periods in which they did not understand exactly what differentiated them from other people and their peers: why they did not immediately feel attracted to certain types of boys or girls or why this physical attraction did not last very long, because for them sex was not so central in a relationship at the beginning and why they were so tied to a purely "romantic" vision of the relationship. Admitting that they were demisexual was for many of them an authentic coming out, first of all to themselves, then to family members, friends and, above all, their respective partners.
The signs to recognize yourself as demisexual
As we have already repeated several times, sexuality escapes any "container" or label with static boundaries. Therefore, even in the case of demisexuality, using the term "signals" to recognize oneself as such may seem a bit reckless. However, it has been found that demisexuals experience similar sensations and feelings with respect to some situations with the relationship with others at the center.
Furthermore, it must be said that the modern era, where hypersexualization and physical attraction reign supreme, often comes into conflict with the way of life of a demisexual person. In fact, if on the one hand we have an increasingly numerous group of individuals who they rely on online dating, which point to physical relationships and short or short-term adventures, on the other hand demisexuality puts a pure feeling at the center in interpersonal relationships and, in the early stages, disinterested in sex. In short, it seems to be at the crossroads between a rediscovery of romance and platonic love.
So, is there any way to know if you are demisexual or not? Certainly some convergence can be found between the different testimonies. The ones you will find below are the most frequent.
1. You spend more time than others feeling sexual attraction
Aven Italia's definition said that a demisexual does not feel "primary sexual attraction." This means that demisexuality prevents that mostly physical involvement that arises with a single glance. differences between theirs and your attitude towards those around you. It may be that they immediately showed interest in one or more people present there, while you either remained indifferent to them or, if you felt some urge, you noticed that it lasted very little .
In fact, as we have already said, demisexuals, unlike asexuals, feel desire for sex, but they almost always manifest it only with individuals they already know or with whom they are emotionally involved. This is why we speak of "secondary sexual attraction": it is closely linked to the personality of others and to the connection that is created between you and the other.
2. At the base of your stories there has always been an important friendship
If on the one hand demisexuals have no drive to flirt with strangers, on the other they focus on friendship, even when they look to love. If you recognize yourself in this fact, then you know that the majority of your relationships are born. starting from friendships, from people you already knew and trusted. All this makes you feel safer because it seems to give you certainty about what could happen in the future.
Similarly, however, the topic of "friendship can be controversial. In fact, several demisexuals have stated that they could not always understand whether or not they felt a" physical attraction towards their best friend and friend. This is because demisexuality causes sexual desire to arise only in the presence of an emotional involvement and a very strong connection, easy to find in the case of a great friendship.
3. You have mixed feelings about sex
Often a demisexual person's reluctance towards sex is seen as a "block" due to religious, moral or social reasons. Likewise, it may have happened to you that some acquaintances mistake this attitude of yours as a desire to wait for the right person. In fact, a sign of demisexuality consists precisely in having conflicting feelings towards the physical sexual act. You may not be afraid of the idea, but you feel embarrassed if you approach or hear the subject being addressed by the people around you.
Also, when you start dating someone you feel a higher expectation than others. It is true that the first date is a little anxious for anyone, but you see it as an occasion that could change your future forever. You are full of expectation and you hope that everything goes in the right direction so that you can immediately create a strong bond that is fundamental for you to face any type of relationship.
